[ He can feel those teeth in his throat and he wants to kick and bite back, sink claws into her chest ( just below beating, beating heart that he hates her for because it's lying in its false consistency ) and wriggle into ribs and those thoughts are wrong, those thoughts are why she is right. Catches himself in them and swallows down all rough. He cannot bare this, he doesn't want to say any of it to anyone. Shows in the furrowing of his brow and the way he looks away too sharp.
Skittish, all hands curled up to hide a shake, takes stock like this is battle and focuses on this. On details, on the things that matter. Shattered, shattered, shattered and the days have been too much.
It's too close and he doesn't know how to speak about it without the fear in the words, in trusting. The betrayal went too deep, that way. ]
How do I know this isn't you just using me and this -- [ takes a slow breath, trying to work out what to say or do. ( Poor Emily! ) ] -- if it is, I swear, I swear I will never forgive you for damning her. I wasn't there and I promised her she would never be alone again. [ Eleven and she'd had her last birthday locked in a dark room with whores and sick twisted men and he's trying to remember here, why it's so hard to not just tip himself out, because he doesn't trust, he can't trust, and if they had any sense, they would never trust him either. Because he will butcher, so many and everything and all of it because he was asked. that's all they had done, hadn't they? The loyalists. A particular man is needed for this sort of work. ] If you mean to just use me and kill me I will make you listen to everyone of her screams, do you understand? I will crawl my way back, and I will -- [ Firn whined, all high concerned noise. ] I will not, I cannot fail her again. I'll have nothing left, it's all for her. All of it.
[ it's madness, it's all she was right about in him, and it's skittering out of him like rats from a sinking ship, trickling and pouring over everything it can reach for. Hungry and teeming, looking for dry land. If there is a filter needed, it's for this. Yes, yes, he was going to happen to them, he knows that. he's already done that. To both of them. Little and young and they were going to fracture and the only consolation was that if not him, this place would with enough time. There was no kindness, here.
Pauses, stops, breaths, babbling cuts itself off at the start and tries to work out the sense of what he truly meant to say, between desperate threats that aren't for her. Out, in, again. ] Forgive me that's -- not for you. [ Fingers loosen, curl around the edge of the table. ]
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Skittish, all hands curled up to hide a shake, takes stock like this is battle and focuses on this. On details, on the things that matter. Shattered, shattered, shattered and the days have been too much.
It's too close and he doesn't know how to speak about it without the fear in the words, in trusting. The betrayal went too deep, that way. ]
How do I know this isn't you just using me and this -- [ takes a slow breath, trying to work out what to say or do. ( Poor Emily! ) ] -- if it is, I swear, I swear I will never forgive you for damning her. I wasn't there and I promised her she would never be alone again. [ Eleven and she'd had her last birthday locked in a dark room with whores and sick twisted men and he's trying to remember here, why it's so hard to not just tip himself out, because he doesn't trust, he can't trust, and if they had any sense, they would never trust him either. Because he will butcher, so many and everything and all of it because he was asked. that's all they had done, hadn't they? The loyalists. A particular man is needed for this sort of work. ] If you mean to just use me and kill me I will make you listen to everyone of her screams, do you understand? I will crawl my way back, and I will -- [ Firn whined, all high concerned noise. ] I will not, I cannot fail her again. I'll have nothing left, it's all for her. All of it.
[ it's madness, it's all she was right about in him, and it's skittering out of him like rats from a sinking ship, trickling and pouring over everything it can reach for. Hungry and teeming, looking for dry land. If there is a filter needed, it's for this. Yes, yes, he was going to happen to them, he knows that. he's already done that. To both of them. Little and young and they were going to fracture and the only consolation was that if not him, this place would with enough time. There was no kindness, here.
Pauses, stops, breaths, babbling cuts itself off at the start and tries to work out the sense of what he truly meant to say, between desperate threats that aren't for her. Out, in, again. ] Forgive me that's -- not for you. [ Fingers loosen, curl around the edge of the table. ]