[ The confusion stays, the some frown that he feels almost angry, because it's easier than feeling so lost. She has to want something, has to need something, he needs it to define himself around. He was an extension of will, and never one of himself. He acts because others need him to, because they can't or won't do it for themselves, and somewhere along the line, his own will had been forgotten. He did as he was asked. He had always done as he was asked and made himself to whatever the task required.
Or, not that, not quite, he amends. He had some things, they had been his own choice. ( because there was a selfishness in the way that many years ago, when she pressed him back -- he hadn't pushed her away and placed duty between them, he'd gripped tight of her and pulled her against him. ) ]
Most do. [ No, not most. All but two, and they were who he'd given everything too without them ever asking. ] It is what it means to serve. [ and there's no self pity to the words, just a flatness that comes with exhaustion when it feels all so utterly useless. The tired feeling of swimming for miles and miles upstream, and eventually, there's a want to just like the current take and wash away the need to fight it anymore. ] And I have been serving a very long time.
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Or, not that, not quite, he amends. He had some things, they had been his own choice. ( because there was a selfishness in the way that many years ago, when she pressed him back -- he hadn't pushed her away and placed duty between them, he'd gripped tight of her and pulled her against him. ) ]
Most do. [ No, not most. All but two, and they were who he'd given everything too without them ever asking. ] It is what it means to serve. [ and there's no self pity to the words, just a flatness that comes with exhaustion when it feels all so utterly useless. The tired feeling of swimming for miles and miles upstream, and eventually, there's a want to just like the current take and wash away the need to fight it anymore. ] And I have been serving a very long time.